Different types of Grief
Grief is the word used to name the common, normal, experience of sadness and loss one experiences when losing a loved one, an aspect of the self, or an idea/template of how the future was supposed to go. However, grief and loss aren’t always about losing another person. People grieve when they divorce, experience a sudden change in health status, lose physical abilities, lose a pregnancy, lose a job they love, have to suddenly move, or even when they are affected by another’s significant loss. There are many different types of loss and this list is not exhaustive. Grief is a completely natural and normal response that is both incredibly universal, yet uniquely personal.
What are the Stages of Grief?
You may have heard of the “stages of grief.” It is almost common knowledge and parlance these days. but grief is not limited to the loss of a person; it encompasses a spectrum of experiences, including divorce, health changes, job loss, and more. This emotion is both universal and deeply personal, impacting individuals in diverse ways.The stages come from the experience and research of an incredible long-time hospice nurse named Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. The stages of grief are as follows:
Denial – Avoidance, confusion, elation, shock, fear
Anger – Frustration, irritation, anxiety
Bargaining – Struggling to find meaning, reaching out to others, Telling your story
Depression – Overwhelmed, helplessness, full peak of sadness
Acceptance – Exploring options, new plan in place, Moving forwards
Do the 5 stages of the grieving process happen in order?
When the stages of grief were developed it was under the idea that these stages happen in sequential order. Since then, additional research has been done and it is clear that people move in and out of different stages at different times. While Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief are widely known, it’s crucial to understand that grief doesn’t follow a strict order. Research suggests that people move through these stages at different times, making it more of a fluid process. To provide a more practical approach, we turn to Worden’s Tasks of Mourning. Thinking of the stages as a linear road map to healing is an old notion and not a great idea. For that, we recommend Worden’s Tasks of Mourning.
Worden’s Tasks of Mourning
Worden’s tasks are specific to grief and loss about losing another person and we find this to be more helpful than the framework of Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief. We prefer this model because it gives more of a directive path towards healing rather than descriptive stages. Worden’s tasks are:
Task 1: To accept the reality of the loss
Task 2: To work through the pain of grief
Task 3: To adjust to an environment in which your loved one is missing
Task 4: To find an enduring connection with your loved one while embarking on a new life
Many of our patients have found this framework and advice to be really helpful. Different from the Stages of Grief, it outlines a process one has to move through in order to regain their lives after the death of a loved one.
How long should I mourn?
Many people want an answer about how long they “should” mourn. I wish there was a clear answer to this. Everyone is so unique in how they experience a loss. One of the reasons for this is that when someone experiences a loss of any kind it pulls on all the previous loss they have experienced in life. We don’t “purely” grieve as we would like to think.
You may find yourself thinking about previous losses in your life and grieving those again during acute bereavement and that is absolutely ok. In fact, it’s healthy. Feeling guilty for believing you have moved on too quick, believing you haven’t grieved enough, blaming yourself for not feeling “sad enough”, being angry at feeling numb, or fear about the grief persisting indefinitely (although normal) are typically not helpful states of mind. Be careful and if you see elements of yourself in those descriptions, please reach out to us as soon as possible.
There is no such thing as too much grief and we want to make sure you get through this loss in-tact and as a whole person. If you are looking for more of an answer here, some research on grief shows that a big chunk of people start to feel better in 6-8 weeks, where another large chunk reported it took anywhere between 6 months and two years.
I remember a woman I saw several years ago, 6 months after a major loss shared, “Doc, I went to the movies this weekend and I actually enjoyed my popcorn. I know this sounds strange but it was the first time since losing X that I felt some enjoyment again. I think it’s a sign that things are finally getting better.” Again, don’t resist, allow, and take it a day at a time. Try your best not to look to the future but open to the emotions that are in your present. Doing this with a licensed therapist can be incredibly helpful – we will tackle this more in the next question.
Do I need professional help for grief?
Seeking professional grief support can significantly expedite the healing process. Clinical psychologists specializing in grief and loss can provide a structured and supportive environment. If feelings of being stuck, overwhelmed, or depressed persist, or if previous mental health issues resurface, considering therapy as a proactive step toward recovery.
Our practice is dedicated to helping individuals navigate the complexities of grief. We can also connect you with grief counseling groups in the community and provide resources to support your journey. Reach out to us if you have questions or need assistance – we’re here to help you through this challenging time.
Remember, there is no such thing as too much grief, and healing is a unique journey for each person.
We have a great reputation for helping people get back on their feet and provide the type of therapy that will help. We can also provide a document called a “superbill” so that you can seek reimbursement through your health insurance provider. Our practice is connected to various grief counseling groups in the area and when you are ready, we can help bridge your care to one of those groups if you are open to it or believe group therapy might be helpful.
Professional help certainly won’t hurt, please reach out to us if you have any questions. Even if you won’t be seeing a member of our team, we still like to help people get to where they need to go and we can provide grief resources in the community.
What is grief therapy?
What are the goals of grief therapy?
1- Working through overwhelming feelings and managing the acute stages of shock and bereavement
2- Identify and give full expression to your grief in a supportive, caring therapeutic relationship
3- Process and digest the loss in the present moment
4- To continue pursuing life while living alongside the pain of the loss
5- Find ways to honor the loss in your life (the missing person, the big change, the end of an era, etc.) while embracing the new chapter of a life hereafter
What are the benefits of grief therapy?
Therapy for grief helps people tremendously. You will feel less alone, less overwhelmed, and have a place to take all of the difficult feelings and experiences you are carrying. You can plan to have this time set aside, once a week, to go there – fully. You won’t need to worry about how it is impacting your therapist, we are built to meet you and take on the entirety of your grief. Research shows that those who start therapy on the heels of a loss are exponentially less likely to experience episodes of depression or anxiety as a result. When feelings are tended to in the right ways we actually grow and become healthier as a result. We want this to be your experience in this trying time.
Different Approaches to Grief Therapy
Group therapy
Family therapy
We will help you figure out which approach might be best for you, at least to start. Call one of our psychologists today and we can explore which options may be right for you at this time.
